Dear Friends,

Each August, during the second full week, something quite delightful happens — we mark Afternoon Tea Week, a gentle nod to one of Britain’s most beloved traditions.

In our ever-accelerating world, where time is often rushed and conversations are fleeting, the practice of taking tea in the afternoon reminds us to pause, reconnect, and savour. Not only the tea itself, but the moment — the setting, the company, the care.

This custom, so often associated with elegance and refinement, has a long and layered story. While the leaves may have originated in northeast India and southwest China over 5,000 years ago, it was here in Britain that afternoon tea found its home as a social ritual.

Much of the credit is given to Anna, the seventh Duchess of Bedford, who in the early 1800s grew rather peckish in the long hours between luncheon and dinner. Her simple solution — tea accompanied by bread, butter and a slice of cake — soon became a fashionable affair among her circle. And so, the tradition was born.

It lives on today in fine hotels and homes alike — from Claridge’s to a quiet kitchen table — and always with a touch of charm.

For those of you considering hosting your own tea this season, whether in celebration of tradition, community, or simply the joy of being together, I thought I might share a few gentle pointers:

• Dress the part: For hotel teas, smart-casual attire is the standard. At home, a summer dress or a crisp collared shirt adds just the right note of care.

• Mind the order: Begin with sandwiches, move on to scones, and finish with pastries. A small selection is far more elegant than an overfilled plate.

• Stir with grace: No clinking, please. Stir gently from front to back, and place your spoon neatly on the saucer afterwards.

• Pour politely: The host traditionally pours the first cup, with the spout of the teapot turned towards them. And as for milk — before or after? That is entirely up to you.

• Hold with care: Teacups are held by the handle alone. No pinky-raising, no slurping, and certainly no saucer-sipping (unless you are my dear grandfather on his veranda in the heat of KwaZulu-Natal — but that is a story for another time).

• Savour the scone: Tear it gently, never slice. Add a little jam, then cream (or the reverse, depending on whether you favour Cornwall or Devon), and enjoy each bite without haste.

• And your napkin? Place it on your lap and use it subtly. At the end of tea, fold it neatly and place it to the left of your plate — not in your handbag with a leftover macaron.

Of course, there’s no need to be rigid. Afternoon tea should feel welcoming and easy — not intimidating. It is not about performance, but presence. A way of saying: “I’ve made time for you.”

Dorothea Johnson, author of Tea & Etiquette, put it beautifully:
"The ritualised exchange of courtesies at a tea gathering illustrates, in microcosm, the central role of etiquette in human life."

I couldn’t agree more. Whether you’re enjoying Earl Grey and a biscuit with a friend or laying out tiered stands in your garden, let Afternoon Tea Week be your gentle reminder to pause, savour, and share.

Letters from readers

Thank you ever so much for your gracious first edition of Letters from a Lady. It was a delight to read — filled with charm, gentle wisdom, and the kind of thoughtful reflection our world so dearly needs.

Your upbringing, shaped by both diplomacy and design, is as elegant as the life you now lead, and it is a true joy to witness how you’ve woven those roots into a life of intention and refinement. Your words stirred something deeply within me, especially as I reflect on the call we all share — to carry ourselves with grace, clarity, and quiet confidence. The Scripture reminds us in Proverbs 22:29, “Seest thou a man diligent in his business? He shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men.” I believe, as daughters and sons of the Most High, we must prepare ourselves with dignity and discernment for those divine appointments when we are placed before great men and women.

Your letter reminds me to do just that. It is in that spirit that I write to you today. I have long held a desire to host a refined and meaningful high tea gathering here in Rutherford County — especially for the First Ladies and esteemed wives of clergy who walk so faithfully beside their husbands in ministry. I envision it as an afternoon of encouragement, elegance, and sisterhood, where we can celebrate both our shared calling and the beauty of gracious fellowship. Might I humbly ask: how should one best go about curating such an occasion with proper etiquette and care? What details must not be overlooked when hosting such an event — from invitations to table setting, attire to conversation? I would be honoured to receive your expert guidance. I so look forward to hearing from you, and I thank you once more for the beauty of your example and the kindness of your words. Your letter felt less like a publication and more like a handwritten note passed between dear friends. With every warm wish, Bishop Kamicia Griffin Rutherford County, North Carolina

Dear Bishop Kamicia,

Thank you for your beautiful letter. It was a joy to read, and I’m truly touched by the heart behind your message. I’m so pleased that Letters from a Lady resonated with you — and even more delighted to hear about your vision for an elegant afternoon tea in Rutherford County. What a thoughtful and uplifting way to honour the remarkable women who stand so faithfully in ministry.

You asked how to host such a gathering with care and proper etiquette. I’ve outlined a few practical suggestions below that I hope will help you plan a warm, graceful and memorable occasion.

Invitations and Guest List
Keep the guest list intimate — 10 to 20 guests is ideal for a seated tea. Send printed invitations on quality card, using traditional wording and including all details: dress code, RSVP deadline, and a brief line about the purpose of the event. A simple title such as An Afternoon of Grace and Fellowship sets the tone beautifully.

Dress Code
Encourage elegant daywear — dresses, tailored skirts or trousers, and the optional charm of a hat or gloves. Most guests will enjoy dressing up for a special occasion with meaning.

Setting and Décor
The location doesn’t need to be grand — it simply needs to feel peaceful and well thought-out. Use soft background music, fresh flowers in low arrangements, and linen tablecloths in ivory, cream or blush tones. Ensure the space allows for easy conversation and comfort.

Table Setting
A traditional place setting should include:

• Teacup and saucer

• Side plate

• Cake fork and butter knife

• Teaspoon

• Water glass

You don’t need Royal Doulton — clean white china can look just as lovely when styled with intention.

Menu and Tea Service
Offer a selection of teas — a classic like Earl Grey or Darjeeling, and an herbal option such as chamomile or peppermint. Serve milk, lemon slices, sugar cubes and honey.

Your menu might include:

• Finger sandwiches (cucumber, smoked salmon, egg & cress)

• Fresh scones with jam and clotted cream

• Mini cakes or pastries

• Seasonal fruit

And now, as promised, a little inspiration from across the pond — the official Royal Family’s recipe for scones, once served at Buckingham Palace:

Buckingham Palace Scones

Ingredients
– 500g plain flour
– 28g baking powder
– 94g butter
– 86g sugar
– 2 eggs
– 140ml buttermilk

Method

1. Preheat your oven to 180°C (350°F).

2. Combine flour, baking powder, butter and sugar in a bowl and mix until crumbly.

3. In a separate bowl, whisk together eggs and buttermilk, then gradually add to the dry mixture.

4. Mix until a soft dough forms — don’t overwork it.

5. Roll out to about 2cm thick on a lightly floured surface and cut into rounds using a 5cm cutter.

6. Place scones on a baking tray and rest for 20 minutes.

7. Brush tops with egg wash and bake for 10–12 minutes, until golden.

8. Serve warm with strawberry jam and clotted cream.

Programme of the Afternoon
Welcome each guest personally. Open the tea with a short blessing or prayer. You might include a reading, a personal reflection, or invite a guest to speak. Keep the tone light, sincere and inclusive.

Favour or Parting Gift
A small gift — a handwritten card, a bookmark, a lavender sachet or a wrapped scone with a recipe card — is a thoughtful way to close the event with grace.

Above all, let your heart guide the day. When the host leads with love and care, guests feel it in every detail. I can already imagine the warmth and beauty of your gathering, and I hope it becomes an annual tradition in your community.

Please do keep in touch and let me know how it goes — I would love to hear all about it.

I look forward to hearing from you, and I value your feedback and questions.

Have a wonderful weekend.

With warmest wishes,

Lady Arabella
Leading Patron for The British School of Excellence

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