Hey {{contact.first_name}}, For someone with a Harvard degree, a PhD, a career in defense policy, three kids, a global lifestyle…very few of my choices were actually mine. I was caged. This week I shared something on LinkedIn that clearly hit a nerve. I wrote about three things I had to dismantle before my life started feeling like mine: The “good girl” operating system I’d been running since childhood.
The belief that wanting more made me ungrateful.
And the hardest one: the conviction that choosing myself would hurt the people I love. At the time, none of this was obvious to me. From the outside, everything worked, or rather more than worked. It looked like a life I had every reason to be grateful for. And that’s exactly what made it so hard to question. I remember the moment that changed. I was at a dinner party, smiling, saying all the right things, being who I was supposed to be. I caught my reflection in a window and had this very precise thought: Who is that woman? Maybe you’ve had your own version of that moment. Not loud or disruptive. A thought you move past quickly.
A low-grade restlessness you don’t fully engage with.
How fast you return to functioning. You can see your patterns. You’re intelligent, self-aware, you can probably trace them back to your childhood with precision. And still, you continue making decisions from inside them. It’s not your fault. Cages work that way – they’re not designed for you to question them. But you can. |
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Some Cool Resources I Found This WeekI'm always careful about recommending more content to consume (because consuming can become its own cage, a way to feel productive while avoiding action), but these two earned their spot, because they don't just inform, they provoke deeper reflection if you’re open to it. #1: The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga A truly uncaged book. It’s a Japanese philosophy book disguised as a conversation between a philosopher and a young man. Through their interaction, we learn that the secret to lasting happiness lies in choosing how you lead your life, not letting others choose for you. In having the courage to change, to set boundaries, to resist the impulse to please. If this isn’t the definition of uncaged…then I don’t know what is! #2: "The real reason we're all so busy (and what to do about it)" – a TEDx Talk by Dorie Clark We live in a world that rewards quick wins, instant results, busyness. Clark makes the case for something radically different: strategic patience. Saying no to good opportunities that don't align with your long-term direction. Creating white space in your schedule to actually think about where you're headed instead of just reacting to what's in front of you. Her one-line takeaway: success isn't about speed, it's about direction, consistency, and patience over time. |
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What I'm teaching my clients right nowWhy knowing your cage won't get you out of it Most women I work with find me already understanding their patterns. They've read the books, journaled till their wrists ached, and many have done therapy. They can articulate exactly when the "good girl" conditioning started and why they people-please. They’re still stuck. Because understanding your cages and living outside them are two completely different skills. Understanding is cognitive, while cages live in your subconscious, your nervous system, your ‘autopilot’ moments: the split-second hesitation before you speak, the automatic "yes" that leaves your mouth before your brain catches up, the guilt that floods your system as soon as you consider putting yourself first. You can't think your way out of a reflex. And you can't consume your way out of it either. (Remember Dorie Clark's point from the previous section about creating space to think strategically? The same principle applies here). Another book, another podcast, another course that gives you more insight into why you're stuck... that's not strategic. That's rearranging the furniture of the cage. The strategic move is to stop gathering more information and start asking a different question: What do I need to close the gap between what I understand and how I live – and what support will get me there? More clarity is great, but the shift happens when someone sees what you can't see from the inside of the cage; when you're guided through the exact moments where your old wiring activates, and you learn, in real time, to choose differently. That's when "I don’t know how to stop people-pleasing" becomes, saying no in real time and feeling peace instead of panic. That's when the cage starts to crumble. What you can do this week Instead of reaching for the next piece of content, try this: carve out 20 minutes of white space. No phone, no music, no playing with your dog; just you and the question: What would actually change things for me right now? Curious what comes up for you. |
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What's Making Me Feel Uncaged Right NowBadass workouts I’ve come to terms with the fact that strength training has to be a non-negotiable part of my life for the foreseeable future (I have chronic lower back pain plus I’m a woman in midlife). For the past year, I’ve been cruising through my three weekly workouts, checking the box, and feeling good about myself. Except I’ve been bored out of my mind, never feeling sore from a workout, nor seeing any visible change. Has that happened to you? (Not just talking about workouts.) So last week, I decided to upgrade my workouts. I asked a fitness trainer* at my gym to help me create a series of challenging workouts that align with my goal – a stronger body to support my back as I move through life and age. I probably should have been more careful what I asked for, as I'm more sore than I've been in months. I'm also feeling stronger than I have in years. I'll never be super muscular, and I don't want to be. But there's something about feeling your body get more capable, more resilient, more yours that feels like the physical version of everything I teach. Whether it's your workout, your relationships, or the way you show up in the world – growth is always on the other side of comfort. But then again, you already know that. *I wouldn't try to do this on my own, especially if you have back issues or other pre-existing conditions. Like most things, support from a qualified professional is essential to make sure you achieve your goals, while staying safe. |
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Until We Talk Again...What’s one area where you could get a little less comfortable? Are you willing to give it a try? Hit reply and tell me. I believe in you,  |
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Here's how to work with me:Private Coaching. Deep, personalized 1:1 work for women ready to dismantle their specific cage patterns and create lasting transformation. The Uncaged Method Mastermind. My signature 12-week program for accomplished women ready to remember who they truly are and build a life that's worthy of the woman they are becoming. You can join the waiting list for the fall cohort already, or, if you’re eager to chat about where you are, where you’d like to be and what the path forward looks like for you, book a free Uncaged Strategy Call with me. VIP Days. These are for you if you want an intensive, focused day together to break through what's been keeping you stuck and walk away with clarity and a concrete plan. In person, in Zurich, Switzerland, or online. Uncaged: the book. And then, of course, there’s my memoir, Uncaged: A Good Girl's Journey to Reinvention. It’s the full story of how I dismantled my own golden cage and created a life I absolutely adore. Available wherever books are sold. [Get your copy]
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