Hello and Happy Spring,
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to talk about adoption beyond childhood. So much of the conversation focuses on getting to 18, but that’s only the beginning. Adoption doesn’t end there. It follows us into adulthood, into how we relate to our parents, our extended families (adoptive and birth/first), our own children, and ourselves.
The impact of adoption is lifelong, and navigating adult-to-adult relationships is complex. We spend far more of our lives as adults than we do as children, yet there are so few spaces that prepare us for what that actually looks like. Because these conversations beyond 18 are often missing, there can be breakdowns in families. Without open and healthy communication about the long-term impacts of adoption, both individuals and family relationships can suffer.
For some, that distance shows up in small, everyday moments of disconnection or misunderstanding. For others, it becomes more defined through low contact or no contact. There isn’t one way this looks, and there isn’t one right answer.
If you’re an adoptee who has considered asking your adoptive parents to engage in our Navigating Estrangement course, I want to acknowledge how vulnerable that can feel. Even naming that desire or need can carry a lot. If that’s something you’re holding, you don’t have to figure it out on your own. We can support you in thinking through how you might approach that conversation in a way that feels aligned for you.
At the same time, I want to be clear about something that matters just as much; reconciliation is not a requirement. For some, no contact is the healthiest and most appropriate path. That deserves to be respected, not questioned. There is space here for you too, exactly where you are.
There isn’t a single version of what this looks like. Some are working toward connection. Some are holding distance. Many are moving in and out of both. All of it is real, and all of it matters.
Thank you for continuing to engage in these conversations with me. They aren’t always easy, but they are important.
