Since the inauguration on January 20, I’ve found myself reflecting on why political conversations can be so challenging as an adoptee. Even when I know someone shares my values, there’s often a disconnect that leaves me feeling unheard or misunderstood.
I’ve been in conversations where people passionately denounce the separation of children from their families at the border, and I’ve thought, Yes, this is horrible. But when I try to connect it to my own experience of being separated from my birth family, the conversation often falls flat. Non-adoptees often struggle to see how the trauma of separation affects adoptees in ways that don’t neatly fit the “rainbows and unicorns” narrative of adoption.
And then there are policies like the recent executive order, “Defending Women From Gender Ideology Extremism And Restoring Biological Truth To The Federal Government.” When I hear people discuss this I think about how it impacts transgender and gender non-conforming adoptees and adoptive parents. This policy creates rigid definitions that erase identities, and for adoptees who already navigate questions of belonging, it’s one more way our experiences are politicized without our voices being included. It’s hard to feel like adoption’s complexities are even on the radar in conversations like these.
Adoption is so much more nuanced than the stories we’re told. It’s not just a beautiful act of love—it’s also deeply tied to issues like reproductive justice, immigration, racial inequities, and economic inequality. These are the things that shape adoption, yet they’re rarely part of the conversation when non-adoptees talk about it.
I’ve found that engaging in political conversations as an adoptee can feel exhausting. There’s the emotional labor of explaining, the vulnerability of sharing something so personal, and the frustration when people don’t get it. I know I’m not alone in this—so many adoptees feel the same way.
At the same time, I know how important it is for our voices to be part of these conversations. Adoption isn’t just a personal experience; it’s political. The policies and systems that shape our lives as adoptees—everything from immigration to gender identity—deserve the same critical thought and empathy that other issues receive.
If you’re a non-adoptee reading this, I hope you’ll take the time to really listen to the adoptees in your life. Ask questions. Be open to hearing perspectives that might challenge what you think you know about adoption. And if you’re an adoptee, know that it’s okay to take a break from these conversations when they feel too heavy. Your experience matters, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
For me, these moments of reflection remind me why the work we do at Adoption Mosaic is so important. We create space for adoptees to share our truths, we support everyone in the adoption constellation to grow their understanding of the complexities of adoption, and we share resources to support our communities as we navigate these challenges.
