Enough of Working. Let's Labor Day!

**For my most loyal readers, you will know and appreciate that next week marks a long-awaited return to normal Fall programming for Some Stuff Weekly! Get ready for it and I'll see you next Thursday!

But for now...

Happy Get Rich Quick weekend! I will be taking this time to start a multi-level ponzi scheme consisting of off-label vitamins and old Metabolife pills. Don't mind the liver damage or class action lawsuits. A doctor in Estonia said they are perfectly safe. I will be setting up a presentation for all of you at the Kansas City International Airport Holiday Inn just off of Ol' State Highway 71-- the same one Bonnie & Clyde took after robbing the local bank. Believe me when I tell you that if you have 5 friends and they have 5 friends, pretty soon I will be a billionaire! 😀😀😀

Here is some stuff I like and hope you like too...

AS ALWAYS, REPLY TO THIS EMAIL WITH YOUR THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS AND STUFF YOU WANT TO SEE! I FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED!

THE GEARS KEEP ON GRINDING

As far back as 1936, Chaplin was warning us of the dangers of mechanized life. And I agree. I have no idea why he is stuck in a giant Timex in this picture, but I blame the Swiss. Am I the only one who misses the days when you had to wind a watch and you could hear the tick as the hands swept around? I have my dad's old watch, and when I really have to think hard about something (which is never a good sign as smoke comes out of my ears and the result is always half-baked), I will wind his watch and listen to the passing of time. I like the rhythm--it makes me feel like I could operate a train. I think my buddy Susan and maybe Donnie D up in NoCal are the only readers who bought newspapers for a nickel from the shoeshine stand at the Union Station depot. Donnie did payloa for Mr. Bojangles at the local AM station, and Susan was a hobo riding the rails and stealing eggs from barns and fresh pies from window sills. Those must have been the days! 😀😀😀

BEST JOBS EVER

Despite my increasingly lazy and slovenly appearance, I was once an enterprising youth, full of pluck and gumption (and also a dad who made us work!). These were my most memorable jobs in order of life...

LAWN MOWING KING OF WICHITA

This was a family affair. Not only my brother Matt but also my sisters Maureen and Bridget all had to pitch in to operate a thriving lawn mowing business. This picture is an accurate representation of the times. I was 3'11 back in the day and the grass was waist high. My dad even bought us a trailer for a large suburban we had no business driving on a road. This was when I first realized work was not for me.

RETIRED

WAITER AT KWAN COURT

This job is one of the strangest. Technically I was a waiter, but the place only had a Chinese food buffet. So really I just asked people how many Cokes they wanted and brought them plates. Even that I was not very good at. They were always mad at me and yelling at me in Chinese, which I didn't mind because I couldn't understand a word.

FIRED

CREAMERY GUY

This was my greatest job ever! Serving sorority girls yogurt and ice cream on the naughty days was the best experience of my life. One time I almost got a date out of it. Didn't happen but I was close. Then she realized I had dropped out of college to work in an ice cream store for $3.35 an hour and suddenly our date was canceled. Even in Kansas, the ladies wanted to see some prospects.

FIRED

KIRBY VACUUM SALESMAN

This one did not last long. I don't think I even made it a week. I remember my dad was oddly happy I had this job because I think it sounded like something he would have done in the 50's under the guise of "learning hard work", but I just learned I hate to vacuum, they are really expensive, they are also super heavy, and 1990s housewives just wanted to watch Days of Our Lives and be left alone.

QUIT

SPRINT LONG-DISTANCE TELEMARKETER

This was my first "real job" because it had an annual salary--$14,500 (or 145x as much as I currently make in my comedy career).😀😀😀 I have no idea who this guy is or why he is smiling or why this telemarketing center looks like the headquarters of CTU on 24. This is a far cry from the converted warehouse in Lenexa, KS we called home base. Now I just need to see Chloe making a hilarious face at Jack Bauer and my nostalgic trip back to 1999 is complete.

MY SPOTIFY PLAYLIST OF THE WEEK...

CO2ISFUNNY | Songs About Taking This Job & Shoving It...

This picture is here for my brother Matt's amusement only. As a Floridian long-steeped in the traditions of God, Guns & Country, he has consistently believed I am a Communist, primarily because I believe only children over 8 years old should have to work, and the work day should be capped at 22 hours per day. This country is going to Hell in a handbasket!

Here are some amazing songs celebrating communism (or at least not working so much!):

Working for the Knife | Mitski

Career Opportunities | The Clash

Welcome to the Working Week | Elvis Costello

Seven Days of the Week (I Never Go To Work) | They Might Be Giants

Bite the Hand | boygenius

There Is Power In A Union | Billy Bragg

Which Side Are You On? | Ani DiFranco

Worker's Song | Dropkick Murphys

The Chemical Worker's Song | Great Big Sea

The Idiot | Stan Rogers

CLICK THE IMAGE FOR THE SPOTIFY PLAYLIST

THE SHOW I AM WATCHING

OK, in light of Dolly's passing, this movie feels like the right time. One of the best workplace comedies ever (and certainly the greatest workplace song), this movie delivers on our greatest fantasies about bad boss revenge.

Dolly Parton, Lilly Tomlin and Jane Fonda all shine in this film, but don't overlook the always hilarious Dabney Coleman, who is perfectly cast as the lecherous, incompetent boss.

A classic for a reason!

SUSAN WARE CLIP OF THE WEEK

I don't know why the execs at SOB Pictures insisted this movie -- 1918's Revolt Against Lenin? Nyet!-- be shot on location in Moscow. They said it was for authenticity, but I believe they actually wanted to get out from under Susan's gargantuan contract of more than $100 per week by planting pro-democracy fliers in her trunk aboard the steamer HMS Don't Sink Me Germans. Before Susan could be shipped off to Siberia, though, the plot was foiled when it was discovered that Susan can't read. The only language she ever mastered was pig Latin back on the farm in Shallow Dirty Creek, KY. Anyways, the picture was a huge success, earning $850 million rubles (or about $421 USD), just enough to get Susan out of the Gulag.

Anyways, check out Susan by clicking HERE.

I hope you enjoy these as well! Feel free to subscribe if you want. I will also include them here, but the posts that come from her site are hilarious and go out on Mondays and Thursdays!

SUSANWARECOMEDY.COM

HERE'S A RECIPE

Let's celebrate the meal of the working people. Who said Americans need real meat at dinner when we can have plastic coated amalgamations in a tin lined by lead and asbestos? Here's how you too can enjoy the classic taste of grandma's Swanson dinner...

Open box

Put in oven super hot

Take it out and eat it on TV tray

This meal will taste even better if you can eat it while watching Dallas reruns on a TV with rabbit ears. Nothing says "I think Miss Ellie shot JR" like scalding mashed potatoes with a frozen core.

CLIP OF THE WEEK

We've been having so much fun with my brother Matt in this episode, let's cap it off with a bit about his politics...

CLICK THE IMAGE FOR THE VIDEO.

As always, you can check out my clips on the site (co2isfunny.com) or YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/@co2isfunny).

FORWARD TO A FRIEND, ETC

Please do me a favor and forward to a. friend. You get no prize other than my undying gratitude (and maybe a free ticket to a show when I am in your area if you let me know!).

I am very grateful to each and every one of you for your support and follows and likes, etc. You all are the best!

See you next week!

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