HUSSY NEWS #69: The Gathering of Bishops the Hussys, Baby Girl

Well hello there, my overworked, over-bronzed Hussy.

Welcome to the 23rd biannual Gathering of th Hussys.

Not to be confused with the triannual, annual Gathering.

Those Hussys are nasty.

It’s like the Gathering of the Juggalos.

Except no clown makeup.

No bad rap.

No weird beef with Slim.

Why did the evil clown kids always seem way freakier than the Korn kids?

Because they are.

Korn is heavy petting.

Juggalos are raw dog.

When the Juggalos gather, do they do each other’s makeup and coordinate outfits?

Maybe the Korn kids did too.

I was never invited.

I would have roasted all of them.

Juggalos use face paint and highlighter.

Hussys use Charlotte Tilbury and bronzer.

It’s basically the same thing, except ours requires financing.

Someone recently told me I reminded them of Charlotte Tilbury.

Great.

So I look like an overpriced bottle of foundation.

No thank you, Glenda.

CURRENT HUSSY OBSESSION

AI drama reels.

I’m obsessed.

They’re so bad.

I’ve watched six lesbian stepsister blackmail stories.

Six.

They’re all the same.

Rich CEO.

Evil family.

Straight-ish but curious stepsister.

Blackmail.

Accidental lesbianism.

Apparently AI thinks this is how lesbians meet.

And somehow watching the next 45 seconds requires refinancing your home.

But I’ll say this.

AI has solved one problem.

Hardcore porn?

Not enough story.

Most lesbian movies written by lesbians?

Too much story.

By the time anybody smooches, I know where they went to college, what happened to their mother and why they’re afraid of intimacy.

What is this, a middle school save-yourself-for-marriage club?

Somebody touch a boob already.

AI found the sweet spot.

Late-night Skinemax with a plot.

As a creator, I refuse to spend money on this trash.

Outside of the money I’ve already spent.

Now I need to watch the other 57 thirty-second episodes.

I need to know if the CEO and the slutty stepsister she blackmailed into a forbidden relationship make it.

I need a happy ending.

UPCOMING HUSSY ACTIVITIES

More shows are coming, baby girl.

Check out DeniseWinkelmanComedy.com for upcoming dates, tickets and all your Hussy-related activities.

PAPA WINKELMAN’S YELLOWSTONE

Papa Winkelman fancies himself a bit of a land baron.

The Kevin Costner of Northern Minnesota.

John Dutton of the Winkelman frozen cow pasture.

One slight difference.

Everyone wants Yellowstone.

Nobody wants our land.

No developers circling.

No billionaires trying to build an airport.

Just Papa Winkelman protecting his empire from deer and frostbite.

But if he’s John Dutton…

That makes me Beth.

Pretty.

And mean.

I’m okay with that.

Realistically, we’re less Yellowstone and more Smurfs.

He’s Papa Smurf.

I’m slutty Smurfette.

Same family values.

I just get to be sluttier and covered in blue.

A HUSSY TOAST

All joking aside, Papa Winkelman has been fighting some health issues and recently ended up in the hospital.

So this week, we’re raising a champagne toast to Papa Winkelman.

Sending him all the positive Hussy vibes and wishing him a speedy recovery.

Apparently he got a little too rowdy doing cowboy shit at the Gathering of the Juggalos.

You gotta pace yourself, Papa.

It’s biannual.

There’s always another one.

Until next week…

Stay bronzed.

Stay slutty. And blue.

And stay away from the triannual Hussys.

Those bitches are nasty.

Your TL from the DL,

Denise Winkelman