HUSSY NEWS #69: Not My Fairy, Baby Girl

Well hello there, my overworked, under-caffeinated, emotionally frayed Hussy.

Summer stress season is here.

I am officially over this week.

Somebody tell Ann… and Andy.

They’re Raggedy… but they still need to know.

Cancel the clown car.

Not theirs.

Cancel the party.

It’s been a week.

Hell…

It’s been an afternoon.

Whatevs.

It’s been something.

QUICK HUSSY UPDATE

Speaking of being emotionally violated…

The Tooth Fairy stiffed me on the tooth money.

I know the economy is rough.

But this is literally your only job, Bro.

I’m completely in favor of AI taking this one.

AI Glenda might still stiff me…

But at least she’d call me baby girl afterward.

That’s right.

Hoops off, Tooth Boy.

Let’s box.

There was:

No note.

No “I’m sorry.”

No IOU.

No layaway plan.

Apparently getting a baby tooth pulled as an adult doesn’t qualify under the official Tooth Fairy reimbursement policy.

This isn’t life insurance.

There are no pre-existing conditions.

There isn’t an age limit.

Pay your debts.

Let’s be honest.

You are the WFOAT.

Worst Fairy Of All Time.

#NotMyFairy

Meanwhile…

Tink is the GOAT.

Hotter.

Always pays on time.

Always in pixie dust.

#TeamTink

HUSSY DOGG FAIL

Nikko…

Buddy…

What the hell?

My sweet little Shiba is eleven.

You’re a grizzled old man.

Never once has this dog done anything remotely disgusting.

Until this morning.

He ate his own poo.

Then…

Tried to go back for seconds.

I was horrified.

Who are you…

And what have you done with my dog?

I’m going to need trauma therapy.

No more kisses.

Unless they’re for the Tooth Fairy.

CURRENT OBSESSION

Positive note…

Lioness is back, baby girl.

Happy dance.

If you like action…

Strong women…

Spy thrillers…

And enough tension to make your Apple Watch think you’re exercising…

Go watch it.

Unless you’re one of those people who refuses to watch something because everyone else likes it.

In that case…

Don’t watch it.

By which I obviously mean…

Watch it.

You’ll hate it.

Bieber wink.

ONE HIT WONDER OF THE WEEK

On behalf of the trans community…

You’re welcome, Sophie Cunningham.

Nobody outside of Indiana knew who you were.

Not even Caitlin Clark.

Then you discovered the Riley “Don’t Call Me Chris” Gaines career development program.

Every time you lose…

Blame a trans person.

It’s kind of genius.

Don’t look at my box score.

Don’t train harder.

Just start a boring protest.

Yawn.

Imagine how much worse that stat line would’ve been against all those elite trans athletes everyone keeps warning us about.

#NotMySophiesChoice

🌈 RAINBOW UP

Congratulations to Cheryl Reeve.

The Minnesota Lynx head coach is now the winningest coach in WNBA history.

Four championships.

Countless playoff runs.

And this season she’s coaching the best team in the league despite missing an MVP candidate for much of the year.

She was also asked about trans athletes this week.

Thoughtful.

Grounded.

Respectful.

She managed to acknowledge the complexity of the conversation while still standing up for trans kids.

You don’t have to agree.

Just be cool.

Tink…

Get this woman some pixie dust.

None for Sophie.

🌈 Rainbow up.

UPCOMING HUSSY ACTIVITIES

More dates are always being added at:

DeniseWinkelmanComedy.com

Come say hi.

Until next week…

Root for the Lynx.

Watch Lioness.

Hug your dog…

Just skip the kisses.

And if you happen to see the Tooth Fairy…

Tell that bitch the meter is running.

#TeamTink • #TeamCheryl

Your TL from the DL,

Denise Winkelman

Out