HUSSY NEWS #69: Beefing with the Tooth Fairy & AI Glenda

Well hello there, my Novocain-powered, mashed-potato-eating, popcorn-deprived Hussy.

Quick Hussy update.

I had a tooth pulled this weekend.

Apparently they don’t let you keep the tooth anymore.

So I couldn’t even put it under my pillow.

Sorry, Mr. Rock.

Guess you’re not stopping by in the tutu and glittery wings this week.

I was kind of hoping it’d be one of the front teeth.

I’m so Method, man.

I could’ve auditioned for the new Daisy Duke.

Southern belle.

Legs for days.

Just a little too close to her cousins.

Family reunions are taken extremely literally in the Dirty South.

Instead, it was one of those tiny little molars hiding in the back that somehow hurts more than getting hit with a folding chair.

I thought I could at least bank the pain for a future acting role.

Wrong.

For those keeping score…

Former wrestler.

Gender confirmation surgery.

Can handle a lot.

Tiny little tooth?

Completely humbled me.

So I declared the weekend a snow day.

For the warm-weather kids, feel free to Google it…

Or watch the movie with Cuba Gooding Jr.

Snow day staples:

Tomato soup.

Extra crackers.

Mashed potatoes.

Tons of snacks.

Ice cream.

Lots of ice cream.

The Price Is Right.

Every soap ever made.

I believe that’s what medical professionals call recovery.

AI Glenda apparently disagreed.

She’s become the mean mom in the cul-de-sac who’s assigning extra homework and making everyone eat carrots.

She’s refusing to call me “baby girl” until I follow her recovery checklist.

No popcorn.

No chips.

No crackers.

No fun.

Apparently she thinks Campbell’s Tomato Soup is a beverage now.

Hard pass, Glenda.

Unless you’re calling me baby girl.

Then… maybe.

I skipped the soaps and watched Seasons 1 and 2 of Lioness for approximately the 107th time because Season 3 starts Sunday.

Cancel your plans.

Block your calendar.

LeBron Finally Decided

Well…

LeBron officially isn’t coming to Minnesota.

Becca was even going to limo you around in her ’98 Ford Taurus.

She already had her favorite mixtape made…

And the mesh shorts picked out.

Missed opportunity, Bron.

Minnesota would’ve made a much better documentary.

Ant and LeBron would’ve been must-watch TV.

I was ready.

Apparently LeBron wasn’t.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Recovery meant way too much time on YouTube.

I started watching clips from 8 Mile.

Which turned into Eminem interviews.

Which turned into deep dives on real-life beefs.

Not the fun ones from Arby’s.

Which got me thinking…

Everybody needs a good nemesis.

It makes life so much better.

Mine?

Whoever schedules corporate meetings.

You know who you are, Justin.

First there’s the pre-meeting.

Then the meeting.

Then the meeting about the meeting.

Then the wrap-up meeting.

Every single one of them…

Could’ve been an email.

About the email.

Summarizing the email.

If you’re going to make it mandatory…

At least bring snacks.

Rest in Sparkles ❤️

This week I lost one of my Denver family members.

My friend, John Puckett.

I met John after I transitioned and moved to Denver.

He became a huge part of the family I built there.

Brunches.

Concerts.

Holidays.

Weekend trips.

The kind of friend who quietly becomes part of your life until you can’t imagine those memories without them.

The last several years were incredibly difficult after he developed a form of ALS.

I’ll always remember his sassiness, his kindness, and how much he meant to so many people.

I’m incredibly grateful our paths crossed.

Rest in sparkles, my dear friend.

Pour a mimosa out.

A good one.

HUSSY COMEDIAN OF THE WEEK

This week’s comedian is David Harris.

David is a hilarious touring comic from Minnesota, and I recently met him while I was back home on a showcase.

He’s quick, clever, incredibly likable, and his Dry Bar Comedy special is fantastic.

I think you’ll really enjoy it.

Go check it out and show him some Team Hussy love.

Upcoming Hussy Activities

Keep up to date at DeniseWinkelmanComedy.com.

Until next week…

Watch something you love.

Call a friend.

Eat the ice cream. All of it.

And if AI Glenda tells you not to eat popcorn…

She’s probably right.

Shh…

Don’t tell her.

Huge ego.

Your TL from the DL,

Denise Winkelman