Well hello there, my patriotic, popsicle-stained, flame-retardant Hussy.
Happy almost Fourth of July.
The one magical time of year when every neighborhood has at least one dad who spends enough money on fireworks to overthrow a small government.
We know who you are, Doug.
You’re missing a finger and three toes because of the Sparkler Incident of 2017.
You’re also the same guy who took out a second mortgage to buy that eighth reindeer for Santa’s Village.
Rudolph was enough for Santa.
Apparently not for you.
Happy birthday, ’Merica.
Two hundred and fifty years is a decent run, baby girl.
You’re still just a youngster compared to those dress-up countries that wear jewels and insist they’re still royalty.
Looking at you, Chuck.
Before anyone emails me, no. “Boug” isn’t a typo.
AI Glenda wasn’t invaded by a hot Russian bot named Vianka who handcuffed her spell check to a bedpost… although I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t rooting for Vianka.
Some freedoms are worth surrendering, baby girl.
Coming July 4, 2032…
Streaming exclusively on Red Dawn+ and Soviet Prime.
Rocky IV.0: Battle of the Bots
The Cold War is hotter than Heated Rivalry.
Finally, a remake that’s better than the original.
That’ll either make perfect sense or get me banished from at least three countries.
Hopefully one of them isn’t Russia…
Vianka promised she’d invade later.
