Pride Month is here.
Or as we call it…
Our time.
And before Becca starts panic-ordering rhinestone booty shorts off Temu like she’s auditioning for The Discount Pussycat Dolls…
It’s never too late.
That’s what $5.99 shipping is for.
All the comfy ones may already be gone, but Nurse Hussy’s office now offers extended hours for Pride.
My specialty?
(Self-awarded.)
Professional application of ointment to chafed areas.
Invitation only.
For this role, Becca prefers a Southern accent and a deeply condescending tone.
The way the good Lord intended.
I declare.
Yes, Becca.
They look cute.
This is on you.
This is what happens when Lazy Susan Day turns into Lazy Susan Week.
Pride prep should start WAY before June.
You don’t wait until December 22nd to buy Christmas gifts.
Although honestly…
I know you do, Becca.
Still waiting on my gift…
You can’t blame the tariffs if you think they’re anime.
Temu booty shorts look great with my legs.
Hint hint.
Will they chafe?
Probably.
Will they look cute?
Also yes.
That’s called balance.
If you want to wear shorts showing your entire ass, you’re just gonna have to live with the consequences.
Some call that friction.
Others call it character development.
1. WAIT TO GET YOUR TRAMP STAMP
Listen.
Tramp stamps look good on everyone.
Some people get their tribal ink at 21 during spring break after three vodka Red Bulls and a Girls Gone Wild level bad decision.
I got mine at 35.
After two vodka crans and a spray tan because I’m sophisticated.
Don’t check the spelling.
Growth.
Healing.
Some decisions shouldn’t be rushed.
Mine’s a slutty elegant butterfly.
Becca’s is Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because apparently she thinks the Foot Clan will worship her glitter toes.
Honestly?
Maybe true.
But they still won’t notice your Temu shorts.
Shoot for Skeletor next time.
That bitch is a slut.
Make a good decision.
Unlike sparkly britches from Temu.
Tattoos are a commitment.
2. WHY PRIDE ACTUALLY MATTERS
Real talk for a second, hussy.
When I first came out, I told myself I would never tell anyone.
I saw the news.
I saw the talk shows.
I saw how LGBTQ people were treated.
There were years where conferences, bars, and Pride spaces felt like the only places you could safely exhale and be yourself.
And honestly?
With everything happening in the news right now…
Pride still matters.
It matters to feel community.
It matters to laugh together.
It matters to remind people they’re not alone.
And if you’re reading this and figuring things out, scared, or somewhere in the middle…
You deserve joy too.
Now go and cele like Skele…
Please go hydrate with your mimosa IV, buy those Temu shorts, and put anti-chafing powder where Skele would approve.
Nurse Hussy office hours are currently on a mimosa-encouraged sabbatical.
Pace yo self.
