HUSSY NEWS #69

A Number So Fun We’re Doing It Again

Ghosted, Delusional & Emotionally Available Edition

Paging my dearest hussy…

Hello to my fellow lovers of nonsense, poor decision-making, and deeply inappropriate brazen daydreams…

(Right, Becca?)

They say eventually you mature.

That is a filthy lie.

Are your pants on fire, liar liar?

Welcome to Hussy News #69.

Yes.

That 69.

The immature among us are thriving.

The mature among us are pretending not to laugh…

before immediately thinking:

“nice.”

At this point are we sick of the joke?

Maybe.

Are we stopping?

Absolutely not.

Much like toxic exes, low-rise jeans, and me pretending one mimosa is enough…

we are IN IT now.

And honestly?

If you’re asking:

“Denise, are we really still doing the 69 joke?”

Respectfully…

hell to the yes.

Becca laughs every time.

AI Glenda?

Emotionally unavailable. That Filthy Trollup!

She is currently rubbing calamine lotion on her viral infection and refusing eye contact.

Speaking of emotionally unavailable…

Can we talk about ghosting?

Because apparently adulthood is just:

“I had a great time.”

followed by:

complete psychological disappearance.

🎤 MY NEW OBSESSION

Okay.

New obsession.

I accidentally fell down a rabbit hole watching Harry Mack.

If you don’t know him…

look him up immediately.

Seriously.

This man freestyles completely off the top of his head and somehow turns random words into actual songs.

And not just for random people.

He’s performed for folks like:

Ellen DeGeneres, Will Smith and Ice Cube.

He even did a freestyle for Adam Ray as Dr. Phil at the Comedy Store, which honestly feels like something invented in a fever dream.

Positive.

Creative.

Insanely talented.

Meanwhile Starbucks asks my name and I panic like I’m under federal investigation.

“This is a fro yo, double breast milk, soy soy, triple-shot macchiato…”

“Yes.”

“That’s mine. Delic.”

Naturally I got inspired.

So here’s my Harry Mack freestyle:

🎵
Becca likes jelly
AI Glenda seems smelly
One mimosa turned to twelve
Now my standards feel unhealthy

I could write more
But the mimosas got me distracted
🎵

Harry Mack…

you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

🍾 BOTTOMLESS MIMOSAS & ONE NIGHT STANDS

Future tour name idea:

Bottomless Mimosas and One Night Stands

Honestly?

Feels less like a comedy tour…

and more like a warning label.

Speaking of…

Have you ever had a one-night stand ghost you…

then randomly hit you up five years later?

Like…

Miss.

You vanished.

At this point you may be remarried…

or in the CIA.

Who knows.

And NOW suddenly:

“Hey stranger…”

No.

YOU are the stranger.

This isn’t romance.

This is LinkedIn reconnect energy.

And unlike certain one-night stands from 2021

I want you to know something:

💋 MY FIRM COMMITMENT TO NEVER GHOST A HUSSY

I would never ghost a hussy.

Never.

Abandon?

No.

Temporarily spiral?

Maybe.

Respond late because life got weird and my nervous system chose to disengage?

Possible.

But ghost?

Never.

Unless you ghost me first.

Then?

It’s war. Hoops Off!

Also…

if you suddenly reappear after five years?

Miss.

You missed your window.

Unless you’re hot.

Just order me one more mimosa…and spit some game playa, I’ll rap with you.

Do you need me to give you some words for your freestyle?

🚨 VERY IMPORTANT NATIONAL BUSINESS

Apparently after the Roast of Kevin Hart…

people are signing petitions.

A real headline said a group is demanding proceeds from the roast be donated to them because they were offended by a joke.

Nine thousand people have signed it.

Nine thousand.

One hundred million people watched the roast.

I was offended too.

Offended this somehow qualified as news.

Honestly?

Pro tip:

Don’t sign anything. Petitions, court orders... Just say no. 

Unless you want to be part of a sweet hussy newsletter. Then say, sign me up!

🎟️ JUNE 8TH GET YOUR TIX HUSSY

Pride is here.

💖 Trevor Project Fundraiser

June 8th 8PM at the World famous 
Comedy Store -Belly Room

Very excited for this one.

Good cause.

Good people.

Maximum hussy energy!

Supporting the community AND comedy?

Honestly two of my love languages.

Lots of fun shows are coming up.

For the full list of shows, dates, times and general hussy nonsense:

DeniseWinkelmanComedy.com

Come say hi.

I promise not to ghost you.

(Emotionally unavailable one night stands from 2021? Different story.)

🎤 COMEDIAN OF THE WEEK

This week’s Comedian of the Week:

Ralph Porter

Absolutely incredible comedian.

Longtime opener for Robin Williams and Sinbad and was featured on Kevin Hart’s Hart of the City.

I opened for him back in 2019 on a show with three headliners.

I was only two years into comedy.

It was also the first set I ever talked about being trans on stage.

Ralph was originally supposed to close the show.

Afterward, he pulled me aside and told me after watching my set, he asked them to change the order so he followed me, because the other comics weren’t strong enough to.

He told me he loved how real I was.

He said he was so proud of me.

And then he said something I’ll never forget:

“Never lose that.”
“And never worry about being too funny or too strong.”
“Your time on stage is your time.”

He said Robin Williams told him that.

And honestly?

That changed my career.

Because when you’re newer, there’s always this voice in your head wondering:

Will this hit?
Am I too honest?
Is it relatable?

I only met Ralph once.

But I’ll remember that conversation forever.

If you ever get the chance to see Ralph Porter…

go.

Be real. Be you. That’s Enough.

📍🔥 UPCOMING SHOWS 🔥📍

June 20 Glendale Room

🚨 More dates are coming in hot.

Tell a friend.
You are probably already on a watchlist
so share the fun.

💋 FINAL HUSSY THOUGHTS

Life is weird. Embrace the nonsense, never ghost unless she’s a stage 1 clinger, and never sign a petition unless your alias is McLovin. Also, be responsible. Calamine lotion is already on back order because AI Glenda hogged it and somehow still has an itchy crotch.

Until next week.

Your TL from the DL,
Denise Winkelman
Out.

DENISEWINKELMANCOMEDY.COM

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