HUSSY NEWS — NAUGHTY BUNNY EDITION

SWEET, Baby Tinkerlocks!!!!!!!! It’s HUSSY News Day!!

📟 Paging my dearest HUSSY…

Open your VINTAGE neon pink fanny pack. Dust off your pager. Find a phone booth and, like Carly Rae, call me, maybe.

☎️ No phone booth? Fine. Grab your Nokia Razr flip.

And YES, Becca my voluptuous buttercup, you may use a neon green fanny pack if it matches your Bud Light Lime visor.

🔥 We are LOCKED IN. Sweating. Focused.

Like Kristi Noem after her “wife” goes to Target.

I assume she her, but it’s cool if you’re still they them.

Honestly, we all agree. Kristi, unemployment looks GOOD on you.

👀 Looks like someone’s trying to piggyback their way into the trans community just to get their own reality show.

That’s so 2015… right, Caitlyn?

💄 Two words of free advice for both of you. Estée Lauder.

I’m sure they have that in South Dakota.

BTW, the local hardware store is NOT a makeup counter. Right, Mom?

🚗 Hop in the car. Take a little trip. Go past Dark Lake and Clear Lake number 7, take a left at Mambo number 5, and six hours later you’ll be at the Mall of America, which only has a few thousand options and a peppy makeup sales manager ready to make their month.

👁️ Eyes up, Becca. Pay attention. Show your work.

And stop sketching me, snarky French accent, “NUDE.” Unless you give me a heads up so I can properly pose.

No, my right titty is NOT bigger than the left. Let’s not start rumors.

⏳ Hussy thoughts loading… loading… loading…

This section of my diatribe has been brought to you by South Dakota. The Beaver State. Do not fact check that.

🍫 Let’s chomp our leftover seasonal candy and sip mimosas while avoiding emotional growth.

No, NOT the grass, Becca.

🪖 Are you sure you don’t need a helmet instead of a visor? Keep sketching.

Either way, buckle up. We have thoughts.

🐰 NAUGHTY BUNNY DAY REPORT

Happy Naughty Bunny Day.

🤖 AI Glenda tried to explain Easter to me during virtual happy hour.

I said unless there’s chocolate involved and you call me baby girl, I’m logging off.

✝️ EASTER… A HARD PASS

I was invited to an Easter sunrise service.

No.

No.

ABSOLUTELY not.

1️⃣ Way too early.

2️⃣ I’m pretty sure they just wanted me there so their nemesis Deacon Glenda could pass out from my unapologetic hussiness.

🥂 Now, if it started at 11, had bottomless mimosas, a buffet, rom coms on loop, and NO religious service of any kind, I would consider it.

🎟️ Also, once you’ve seen one live crucifixion reenactment, you’ve seen them all.

I went to a religious theme park and earned a lifetime golden ticket.

It may have been a coupon to a strip club called Heaven. Still counts.

🏰 Honestly, the Renaissance Fair is more my speed.

They have jousting. Mead. Wenches. Right, Becca?

So now I stop asking questions and seeking meaning and go straight to chocolate bunnies and mead.

🌙 Sometimes low light is the best light.

Spiritually. Emotionally. Visually.

🐕 HUSSY ANNOUNCEMENT ROYAL BIRTHDAY ENERGY

🚨 We interrupt this spiral for greatness.

My Hussy Dogg Nikko turns 11 this week.

✨ ELEVEN.

With his birthday cleanse, Botox, skincare routine, cucumbers over his eyes, fake tan, and anti aging IV drip, he does not look a day over 7.

He is so LA now.

Got him at 8 weeks old.

Tiny. Judgmental. Constant eye rolls.

🚬 Pretty sure he considered smoking heaters just to cope with my hussiness.

Much like Deacon Glenda.

NOW

👑 Full legend.

Professional cuddler.

Toy destroyer.

Snack opportunist.

Emotional support icon.

Still stubborn. Still judging. Still thriving.

🎂 Happy birthday to my hussy dog.

No, I will NOT buy you a Versace collar unless I get a matching purse.

That goes for you too, Becca.

🎬 THROWBACK MOVIE MOMENT

Rat Race

Elite chaos. Perfect nonsense.

🎭 John Cleese. Mr. Bean. Whoopi Goldberg in full minx mode.

Rich people creating chaos and betting on human behavior like it is a sport

Basically Polymarket with better editing and outfits.

💸 I will take the movie.

I am OUT of crypto, Tom. I learned my lesson.

🎤 HUSSY COMEDIAN TO WATCH

Go watch Jaye McBride.

🔥 Killer. National headliner. Don’t Tell set.

T goddess.

She is so good she made me stop writing trans material and go,

“I guess I will write for breeders now.”

👖 Catch me in overalls with a new catchphrase

GET ’R DONE

The breeders will love it. Right, Kristi?

IG: @jaye.mcbride

💘 MY MOUNT RUSHMORE ISH ROM COMS

I SAID WHAT I SAID.

🥁 Let’s build this properly

5️⃣ The Dark Knight Rises

Beautiful will they will not they love story between two sorority frenemies.

Batty and J Dawg. He would destroy a city for him. THAT is romance.

4️⃣ The Proposal

Sandra Bullock. Ryan Reynolds. Betty White feeling up power bottom Sandy.

Hussy note. Sandy should have worn a visor. So much hotter.

3️⃣ Coyote Ugly

Built a business on hot girls singing on bars in scandalous outfits.

Revolutionary. Sorry, Tim.

2️⃣ A Knight’s Tale

Heath Ledger’s BEST performance.

By royal hussy decree all disputes will now be settled via joust.

On scooters. With padding. With visors. With mead. With wenches.

Put the notebook down, Becca.

Defend my honor from AI Glenda.

I will be posing with the hot wenches. Drinking mead.

AND COMING IN AT NUMBER ONE

🥁🥁🥁 DRUM ROLL PLEASE 🥁🥁🥁

1️⃣ POLTERGEIST

Teased us with a happy ending.

When the annoying brat, that just muttered mommy over and over again was sucked into another universe. 

Oh, Hell Yes! All is right in the world.

✈️Parents Romantic Romp to Iceland trip booked.

🚬 Moms celebration Cigarette lit.

🎺 Festive Mariachi band hired.

And then

🚪 BOOM. Kid is back Cancel all the fun Martha.

Horrific. 

💅 HUSSY PRO TIP

🪞 I tip my visor to my mirror.

Respect where it is due.

Pro tip, always have a mirror near your bed.

You never know when you will need to pause mid life, mid chaos, mid poor decision and just soak in your own hotness.

💋 Best way to get through a bad hookup.

Confidence is a skill set.

Delusion is grander.

Honestly, the only reason I was able to date men for two years was mirror work and bottomless brunch.

🎬 Get out of my shot, Pablo.

Becca is your hotter stand in.

We will CGI you in post.

🎟️ Shows

April 18, Tao Comedy, 7:30 pm

April 23, Minnesota, opening for Sarper Guven, 7:30 pm

Tickets at DeniseWinkelmanComedy.com

🧠 FINAL THOUGHTS FROM YOUR TEAM LEADER

Follow me on socials.

Tell a friend about our sexy cult, er, group.

Spread the hussiness.

🚫 Nikko quit DoorDashing mail order poodles. 

🚫 Kristi and plus one, you are still banned from Pride…. unless I can roast you on your reality show.

🐰 And remember

I prefer my bunnies like Playboy

sexy outfits

covered in chocolate

AND wearing visors

Until next week. Same time. Same channel. Same nonsense.

Apologies to South Dakota. You did this to yourself.

Your team leader of all things hussy,

Denise Winkelman