Hussy News #71 minus 2

Warm Weather Snow Days, Irish Lasses, Glenda’s Revenge

Well hello there, my five-point, tax-deductible (check with a tax professional), emotionally validated Gold Star Hussy,

The Hussiness Force is strong in you. I can tell.

Hussy News 71 minus 2. We know what that means. UseFine, use a calculator if you must.

This edition is sponsored by the letter V.

V is for Vitamins, Supplements, And enough Gatorade to hydrate a small nation. I ordered so much electrolyte powder I am fairly certain someone flagged me as a hydration extremist.

Cold and flu season hit this hussy hard. Either Glenda finally perfected her revenge spell or my ex finally located a legitimate voodoo doll distributor. All I said was there has never been a hot Glenda. Now I am fighting for my immune system like I am imprisoned in a live-action role play of the final level of a Super Nintendo game with one life left.

Glenda, get yourself a happy hour margarita. Take a confident walk down the yellow brick road through Ulta. Pretty yourself up like you are about to guest star on Charmed and reverse the curse.

Being sick sent me straight into snow day nostalgia. Warm weather kids will never understand the thrill of waking up early just to watch school cancellations scroll across the TV the same way trailer trash hussies watch their retirement news, aka the lottery numbers, scroll on past.

Growing up in northern Minnesota, snow days were rare. Those snowplow drivers were elite and could not be bribed with anything my mom packed in my Dukes of Hazzard lunch box. Senior year we had temperatures dipping into the minus sixties with wind chills that made you reconsider your life choices, (like where you live. Right, Mom). One day off. Set us up for a lifetime of disappointment, or as she called it, character development.

Snow Day Essentials

Grilled cheese and tomato soup with zero chunks.
*The Price Is Right.
*Regis and a worn-down Kelly…(Kathie Lee.)
*Random soap operas where we had no idea what was happening but fully trusted that the man with the eyepatch was evil. I do not trust eyepatches. Not on Halloween. Not ever. Johnny and Orlando, no eyepatches.

*Potato chips. Diet Tab. Beta Max classics because my dad was convinced it was making a comeback. His official position was that VHS simply had better marketing. If it could be streamed, it did not count. You had to physically get up and change the tape the way our forefathers intended.

The Snow Day Rotation included early Adam Sandler-nothing post Big Daddy, PCU, Beverly Hills Cop (only) 1 and 2 (#3 was worse than Hangover 2). and occasionally whatever Dad recorded during his own version of a snow day, also known as the Playboy Channel. Childhood was layered and is why therapy rings eternal.

Current Obsession

Say Nothing(Hulu). Sexy Irish lasses. Chaos. Elite smack talk….IN. I haven’t been this attracted to Irish ladies since Becky Lynch main evented wrestle mania.

…Irish remains the sexiest accent in my humble opinion, followed by Aussie, (specifically Nicole Kidman, )French, British, Spanish, and even a Southern drawl (not Kentucky).

…At the bottom of the list, Canada. I love you, but apologizing mid-sentence is not seduction. Speaking of Canada, it has been a rough week. Losing hockey gold medals, men’s and women’s, to a fair-weather country like the US must hurt. Sooorrry. Not soooooorrrry. USA. USA. USA.

Pour a mimosa out for Robert Carradine. Revenge of the Nerds is complicated now, but at the time it told every awkward kid the ERA of the Nerd had arrived. It gave every nerd the hope one day a hot cheerleader would say about them, I’m in Love with a Nerd. Without it, we do not get the Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill remake of 21 Jump Street flipping the jock narrative. Watching Magic Mike get bullied just makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over.

Rest in sparkles.

Comedian To Watch

Sarah Halstead. Her special RVs and Cats has two million views on Amazon. Second special filmed. Recently seen on Comics Unleashed. Sharp. Smart. Fearless. Check her out.

Follow her at
@sarahhalstead

If you like this whimsical fun and silliness, subscribe and share with the hottest hussies in your life.

Drop an AHA. Ask (the) Hussy Anything.
Denise@denisewinkelmancomedy.com
Serious questions are not allowed.


Until next time,


God bless Kesha and F Glenda.

Denise Winkelman
Your TL (Team Leader) of all things Hussy

Shows & Shenanigans

Flappers – 3/12 at 7:30

Comedy Chateau – 3/21 at 7:30

Plus daily mimosas and reckless shopping. Followed by invites to my own intervention. 

Come laugh. Come judge. Come witness Glenda stank-eyeing me.