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Hussy News 69 (#2) Mustard Hair Brunch Wars Femme Camo
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Well hello there, my five-point, tax-deductible, emotionally validated Gold Star Hussy.
Running late today because I had to take a shower after getting a lot of mustard in my hair. At least I think her name was Mustard. I am a provocateur of profound nonsense. A curator of chaos. A sasher of silliness. (Yes, sasher. Don’t question my process.) As someone who needs no nicknames, I am reminded: A jester named Will Ferrell once said, “You in the pink hat, you can come.” And honestly, that’s the energy. |
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Favorite Things This Week
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• Psych aggressively silly, spiritually comforting, and fully committed to the bit. A masterclass in sprinkling nonsense like spilling an entire bucket of red pepper flakes onto your pizza every single time. Also enjoying not taking the world seriously while the world insists on taking itself VERY seriously. |
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World Events (But Make It Brunch):
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There’s a lot of wild stuff going on. I keep hearing the word war tossed around, and as a trans person I’d just like to say: That will not be us. Because we are not allowed to be in the military. Not our Fault. Thank Kesha Almighty. The straights must fight in our stead 😂😂 We will be enjoying brunch, the good mimosas. Aka bottomless. Observing calmly, cheering loudly, watching them butch it up like it’s UFC night at Buffalo Wild Wings. To be clear, trans people should be able to be in the military if they want to. I do not want to. If I did, I’d be a less femme Pauly Shore from In the Army Now, riding a flamboyant camel, wearing a very small amount of sexy camo, insisting craft services send room service, model that look like servers and rhinestone infused menus -so I can order the good drugs(ozempic and sugar that tastes like carrots). |
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Random Freebie
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Crane kick > Mortal Kombat “Finish Him.” Don’t @ me. |
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Trans Icon Corner
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A special shoutout to Nicki Minaj for completing one of the most glorious transitions in history. From legend to 2025’s less relevant Caitlyn. Caitlyn is hotter. And a better driver. And an Olympian. Someone check the record books. “Yes I did. Yes I did. Someone tell him who the f*** I am.” |
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Global Outreach
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Shoutout to all the hussies in Greenland. We will all be together soon. I’ll bring the mimosas and fashion cameo. You bring the camel. Hussy Rule 1: I will not sleep outside. Staying at the Hilton is my idea of roughing it. Throwback Throwback to the time I met Judy Garland and Jane Curtain. (Rando pic. Emotional support moment.) Actually, that’s Zannah Weiss and Taylor Spencer. |
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In the News
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Finally, Science
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Apparently fart fetishes are now a thing. Which just confirms what we’ve known all along: Fart Man was ahead of his time. |
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Final Vibes
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Stay fabulous. Stay moisturized. And above all else remember we don’t fight in wars. We start them. With love, chaos, and all the feminine camo a girl could ever dream of, Denise Winkelman 💋 Your team leader of all things Hussy |
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