For example, her lover lived with his girlfriend yet snuck around with Lane, keeping her under his spell with “romance” and false promises. Believing it my duty - I was learning to guide people spiritually, after all - over those months I pushed (and I mean pushed) her to understand her unconscious motivations behind staying with him, so she’d realize how much she was betraying herself.
As I saw it, Lane was being called to heal the damage to her self-respect inflicted by her harsh Asian Tiger parents and step boldly into her power to choose a respectful man.
However, while I’d signed up for an intense “ego deconstruction” course that at times violently forced me to face my own stuff, my friend Lane certainly hadn’t. In retrospect, her anger made total sense. I’ve since apologized in myriad ways, but she firmly locked that apartment door behind me.
That summer I learned that we’re each called to do our own work. Beyond a gentle invitation or helping when it's clearly welcome, it’s best to leave others to their own way.
I learned that the process of coming to consciousness can be painful; it takes adept self-reflection and a courage that not all possess. And I learned that our impulse to get someone to change is in truth a soul call towards growing whatever virtue is needed in the circumstance. For myself in that case, perhaps forbearance or understanding.
And I learned that at the end of the day, each person is only responsible for his or her own journey and spiritual growth.
