The truth is, we're frequently putting each other down with our words and body language.
If the person we've put down objects, perhaps we’ll awkwardly try to laugh off the pain we cause with “C'mon, it’s a joke” or otherwise dismiss the feelings we’ve evoked. Or, as in my case several times, we don't know we've hurt someone until all hell breaks loose - and it's too late to save the relationship. Operating with an intermittent disrespect for one another is simply how we learned to communicate, despite the fundamental "be nice" admonitions of our parents, kindergarten teachers, Elmo, Mr. Rogers or religious teachings.
The fact is, we learn how to relate from our families and peers, and nobody’s teaching us how to talk without hurting. “Be nice” is not an instruction manual.
I recently made a commitment to be negativity free. When I become aware that I've gone negative - because it’s inevitable - I consciously do what I can to mend the disconnection I caused. Think about this now - isn’t it just kinda basic? I mean, shouldn’t this commitment be in all the wedding vows - and oaths of office? And yet, I’m sure that for me and anyone who takes this on, it will be the spiritual practice of a lifetime.
There IS a way to talk without hurting others and to say whatever it is you need to say without criticizing, causing disconnection or evoking negative feelings.
There's a way of relating that creates more peace, mutual support and fulfillment in our relationships, a way that helps us lift one another up to our fullest potential in the world. If you'd like more of this in your life, I invite you to come and learn. But right now, how about making this resolution with me?
Resolution: This new year, I won't hurt people with my words or actions, and when I become aware that I've done so despite my best intentions, I'll apologize, make amends, or otherwise do what I can to restore connection.
