{{contact.first_name}},
I had a client say that she really doesn’t want a man who she has to spell everything out for. Like, he should just be able to intuit and get certain things without her having to “Properly Express” everything.
Yeah… this is interesting.
It is a common desire for women to want to be with a man who just “gets it” and gets her, and while we are all familiar with the “no one is a mind reader” rhetoric, that is actually not the level that I myself operate at. Meaning, having a high-context connection was actually a requirement for me as well. I also did not want to have to spell everything out and practically manufacture a running guide for how I wanted to be treated in any given moment. That is draining, no?
The thing my client was desiring, and I also once desired, was actually MORE achievable and MORE beautiful than what most would allow themselves to believe, than what I believed was even possible, AND AT THE SAME TIME is accessed through order and, yes, sometimes the mundane task of spelling things out for the man.
But the main function is actually NOT to compensate for him not “getting it” or to manufacture an instructional guide for him to know how to treat you.
It is to reveal YOU and expose the man’s suitability.
This is the main function of Proper Expression, which in my world is: from your capacity/depth, you can fully communicate the truth of how you feel, what you want, what you need, your concerns, and what you are and aren’t available for WITHOUT nagging, demanding, demeaning, complaining, pressuring, or trying to control or manipulate the man.
When you can properly express yourself to the man, you are revealed. And from there, he either gives a suitable or unsuitable response to what you have expressed. It is binary. The more suitable responses he gives, the more suitable he is for you, and vice versa.
To be clear, “suitable” does not mean that he responds in the way that you THINK he should respond or even what you want him to respond with. A suitable response can, and often does, transcend your preference and is suitable nonetheless.
It is underestimated just how precisely Proper Expression can filter out the wrong men and highlight the right ones. But you have to understand, if you are expressing, from your capacity/depth, what is true of you at any given moment, the man who can really see and reach you just naturally does so.
This is why I say you don’t find the right man for you.
He is revealed. In exactly this way.
And once he is revealed, you start to notice that, yes, he can intuit a lot of things, feel into you, and anticipate much of what you are about to say or about to do. The connection is certainly the highest-context one you’ve likely ever had because of the filter (your Proper Expression) it ran through.
But even deeper… you begin to notice that he is starting to feel and reach beyond what you even currently have words for. He begins to give to you before it even fully lands in you what you were asking for. He gives definition where you do not have it. He provides and makes material out of your pre-feelings and pre-language.
You thought you were spelling things out to manage and instruct him.
No. You were doing so to reveal who most could reach you…
and then beyond you.
Inside IRL, this is exactly what we anchor: Proper Expression from your depth and capacity, so you are no longer trying to be understood without being seen, but instead operating in a way that reveals who can actually reach you and who cannot.
I read your replies every day, and I can see how often women are either holding back what is true or over-explaining in a way that collapses the very filter that would have revealed the man in front of them.
